17. Life, love, stress, celebration, girlfriend, tattoos, music, movies, having fun. "Everything Works Out"
Regret is the worst emotion.
You’ve already done something wrong and the chance that you had to jot do it is gone.
It’s like taking a hit of a drug or a drink of beer but you still know youre an addict.
Even after that last hit or drink.
I’m not saying I’m addicted to anything but the fact that I took that “last hit” tells me and whoever else a lot.
Those things aren’t necessarily true but they are still out there.
And it all comes back to regret. That regret turns into anger and eventually hatred for yourself and then this irrational hatred for everyone around you.
You scream, you swear, you brake shit but you’re just wishing all those feelings and impulses would just go away.
Then you remember you did it to yourself and you get even more pissed.
You’re self destructive. Not self harming but even worse.
After that, the people who care most about you begin to leave.
And who could blame them?
you say “fuck it, I don’t need them” but on the inside you’re screaming and begging for help.
But you have to be a man eventually and that’s what I’ve learned today.
I wish I could take it all back but I can’t. So ill just have to live the rest of my life knowing and REGRETTING.
And that’s still not near enough of the amount of horrible things that I truly deserve.
I’m the emotional caribor and I deserve to choke.